Last night, yet another football team who beat my precious Atlanta Falcons went on to win the Super Bowl, yet another half time show kept me trying to improve my score at Temple Run, and yet another bunch of commercials aired that require my cold, critical opinion.

So, join me in breaking down this year’s best and worst Super Bowl commercials!

THE BEST: DORITOS, VW, SKETCHERS, SUZUKI, and CHRYSLER

This year, the dogs led the pack of commercials in quality, ranging from a dog with a secret, a dog with a goal, a group of dogs with a new ride and a dog with a nice pair of Sketchers.

Doritos has provided viewers with solid commercials over the past few years, and thankfully, they decided to provide yet another gem. The ad, simply entitled “Man’s Best Friend”, featured a sneaky canine who through a package of Doritos, gets away with a crime that would send shivers down any cat lover’s spine.

The carmakers VW, whose 2011 ad featured the beloved Vader Kid, gave us the heartwarming plight of a large dog with the goal of slimming down to fit through the doggie-door (to chase a VW, mind you). Through his training, he managed to win the hearts of every viewer in the process. After the ad, viewers re-enter the Star Wars universe to see the loungers at the Mos Eisley cantina debating on whether this year’s lovable commercial matched up with the heartwarming tale of Vader Kid. I loved it.

Suzuki offered us an Eskimo who decides to trade in his sled for, you guessed it, a new Suzuki. Wisely enough, he kept the dog sled team. How do they celebrate this accomplishment? By taking a smooth cruise through the arctic tundra while listening to 50 Cent.

My personal favorite ad of the night gave viewers a proper introduction to Mr. Quiggly, the Sketchers wearing French bulldog who gave a pack of racing greyhounds a literal run for their money.

All of these advertisements managed to do the rare task of selling their product while offering viewers a memorable laugh or two that will be water-cooler talk for the next day. It’s a little sad that a pack of  dogs managed to do what a great number of humans couldn’t.

I guess it’s true that…every dog has its day.

On a serious note, I deeply appreciated the Clint Eastwood narrated, Detroit focused spot. It’s a great, pro-American reminder that our best days are in front of us, indeed. A big thanks to the folks at Chrysler for offering some inspiring words.

“This country can’t be knocked out with one punch. We get right back up again, and when we do the world is going to hear the roar of our engines. Ya, it’s halftime in America, and our second half is about to begin,” Eastwood said in the commercial.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

I enjoyed seeing Matthew Broderick continue his Ferris Bueller-esque lazy day antics with the Honda advertisement, and who didn’t love seeing the return of Seinfeld’s infamous Soup Nazi in the Acura ad?

The Hyundai spot left me humming the Rocky theme, which is never a bad thing.

The plight of the poor Coke employee purchasing a bottle of Pepsi Max (featuring an appearance by Regis Philbin) also gave me a hearty chuckle.

And who doesn’t love the Coca-Cola polar bears?

THE WORST: TAXACT, E*TRADE, M&Ms, PEPSI

In my not-so-humble opinion, Taxact’s “Free to Pee” ad really was one of the worst commercials aired last night. The mini-plot involved a young man who while swimming, gains the instant need to…answer the call of nature. After numerous failed attempts to reach the safe haven of the porcelain express, the lad gives up on his quest and simply returns to the pool to…take care of business. The commercial then ends with helpful advice the usage of taxact.com.

Did I miss something here? Or does the feeling of, well, you know, in an aquatic area of recreation liken itself to the process of online tax work?  Sheesh.  I thought this was a Pampers commercial until the end.

Also, I believe it’s time to put the E*Trade baby in nursery school. I’m sure the kid has a bright future ahead of him in the world of investments, but he’s been the spokesbaby for quite some time now. The gag is wearing thin. Yes, he’s a very vocally matured baby that understands a financial portfolio better than most adults, and his friends are usually up to some crazy shenanigans. The boy’s had a good run, but the diaper days are over. Lend those to the kid in the Taxact commercial.

The M&Ms proved that a lack of the Yellow M&M can truly hurt your commercial. Seriously, Red M&M, keep your shell on.

And I’m not even exactly sure what the other Pepsi advertisement was trying to say. Sir Elton John is the king of some sort of singing-based system of government, and the reward for valor is a can of soda? Still…it’s good to see Flavor Flav again.

Well, there you have it. Dogs are great, and kids who can’t control their bladders can help guide you to free tax software.

While we’re at it, can someone check on the poor guy who got chased by the cheetah? I’m too busy re-watching The Avengers ad.

You can watch the other commercials at Hulu. 

Photo pulled from CNN Money.